My Time as Job

Life has really been hard lately, been hammering hard at me, and someone told me that I am having a Job experience.  Know that experience?  Murphy’s law – if it can go wrong, it will?  And this feeling:

I don’t even want to breathe right now –or- I don’t even want to be right now.

Steven Curtis Chapman – I will Trust You

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsVYeUTVMQs)

I was driving home from work one day, just broken, and heard this on the radio:

There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

Jeremy Camp – There Will Be a Day

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8gkDiTvloc)

Ok, here come the tears, and have to pull over.  You know, maybe this person was right.  I am in my Job moment.  Queue the stamping of feet!  I don’t want this!  I don’t want to have people keep asking me for money, time, work, etc.  I wanted to have an Elijah moment, go out in a blaze of glory, not get hammered into the ground.  I realized that I am under spiritual attack.  And, I am tired of it.  So –

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness
It seems like no one else in this whole world cares
And you want to get away from the madness
You just call My name and I'll be there
You just call My name and I'll be there

Third Day – Call My Name

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp5PZuuB3Pg)

And –

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

Third Day – Cry Out to Jesus

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmVxRl5bc4Y)

So, I started pleading, but realize that I might need to go thru this, it may be part of the plan, so –

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

Laura Story – Blessings

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGniRk_GcLs)

What if?  It could be.

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Casting Crowns – Praise you in this storm

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw)

So, I cry out, I call His name:

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS:
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace
Rich Mullins – Hold me Jesus

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O9v3ba1qzY)

So, I will stand as strong as I can, or only go down as far as my knees, the strongest the position for a Christian.  And I will sing along with one of my favorite guys, and if he can live thru what he did, then I can to.

Out of these ashes beauty will rise
We will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
In the morning beauty will rise
Steven Curtis Chapman – Beauty Will Rise

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el-UboNj_nQ)

I can’t just “snap out of it!”

Psalm 69:1

Save me, O God,

for the waters have come up to my neck.

Ever feel this way?  I know that I have.  I also have emails from inspirational writers and speakers that talk about their times in “the pit.”  I have friends right now that are sliding into this pit, or just slowly working their way out, and it takes time.

From Girlfriends in God,  January 21, 2009, this was written:

“In the pit, it is so dark that we cannot see.  All we can do is wait, trust and rest.  In the midst of my depression, I began to discover that darkness is a great place of solitude.  Distractions are few.  when the Light comes, it is easier to see and the silence makes His voice clear and strong.”  (this was part 1 of a 3 part series, and absolutely healing.  I kept it and made it part of my depression journal, to help me work my way out of the pit.)

I so understood this!  That pit is dark, the sides so slippery to try and climb out of ourselves.  And life keeps driving us even when we are sliding down into the pit and can’t get out.

I am still reading “Joy in Jesus”, spending time reading this, portioning it out to get the most out of it and this was the chapter and verse this time, clinical depression, and how it is viewed in the world.  David Marshall opened the chapter with what one poor woman had been asked when she went in for help:  “Have you confessed your sin of depression yet?”  Like she had done something wrong and was being punished in this manner!?!  And this was from someone in authority in a church.

There are many advertisements on television now that speak to depression, maybe you have seen and heard this one:

• Where does depression hurt?  Everywhere
• Who does depression hurt?  Everyone

David states and quotes:  Recent studies of more than 11,000 cases have verified that depression is more physically and socially disabling than arthritis, diabetes, lung disease, chronic back problems, hypertension and gastrointestinal illness.” (This is from a JAMA article on depression)

It can be such a chore to eat, to get out of bed, and getting dressed?  You have got to be kidding.  There were many days that I would make it into work, and then sit here with tears running down my face, and if anyone had asked me why (and no one did!), I couldn’t have told you why.  It just was.

David then asked another question in this section called “Low Tide and Darkness”:  If instead f clinical depression I had said bowel cancer or brain tumour, [she] would have had your instant empathy.  But how do you feel about clinical depression?”

Where is it written that just because you believe, that you are a “happy camper”, that all is right with the world if only you believe?!?  It isn’t.  And in this kind of situation, choosing joy really isn’t an option.  Most days, you get up and can tell yourself that you are going to have a good day, and you will.  But in the pit, there is no saying today will be good.  It is just a day, yet another day.

He tells us of some of the greatest minds in history that have suffered from depression:  Martin luther, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, J. B. Phillips, Paul, Elijah, and Jesus. 

Yes, JESUS.  At Calvary, when he cried out:  My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  This cry by Jesus is teaching us what we need to do in this – cry out!  Third Day sang about it:

To everyone who's lost someone they love

Long before it was their time

You feel like the days you had were not enough

when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains

Keeping you back from your life

You believe that there's nothing and there is no one

Who can make it right

Chorus

There is hope for the helpless

Rest for the weary

Love for the broken heart

There is grace and forgiveness

Mercy and healing

He'll meet you wherever you are

Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on

They lost all of their faith and love

They've done all they can to make it right again

Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains

You try to give up but you come back again

Just remember that you're not alone in your shame

And your suffering

Chorus

When your lonely (when you're lonely)

And it feels like the whole world is falling on you

You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone

Wiping the tears from her eyes

For the children around the world without a home

Say a prayer tonight

Chorus

There is nothing wrong with any one of us that has been in that pit, and because we have spent time there, we can offer helping hands to those that are there, but we must remember to tell them, they can’t get out on their own, they will need help, and the best help is to Cry out to HIM!

2012 - is it the end?

Per Nostradamus, the world should have already ended.  Per the Mayan calendar, the world will end next year.  Should we look for the end, wait for it, look for those portents and signs?  Someone recently asked me what I thought of all the prophecies about the end of the world, was I trying to figure out when the world would end?

In a simple response - No.

Why?

From "The Dance" by Garth Brooks:
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes, my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

You must endure many hardships in order to enter the Kingdom of God
Acts 14:22

So, with my head held high, whether in pain or joy, I won't be looking for the end and missing life.  For while I could do without the pain and the trials, I would miss out on what went with it.

"This" by Darius Rucker
Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned
Maybe that's why I'm such, such a lucky man
(Chorus)
For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All the girls that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to
This

This testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything. James 1

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  James 1:1-2 (NIV)